I suffer from schizophrenia, crippling anxiety and depression to the point that my hair falls out if I get stressed and I get headaches so severe death seems like a viable option. It can be something as little as being cut off and the headaches come to the point where I have to pull over cause I can no longer drive due to the pain.
Having said all that, I don't think you understand that what you have is a curable problem. I'm guessing by this point you aren't seeing a psychiatrist because your parents won't let you or you don't think you think need to. Either way, it's very important to your own well being you see one asap. There are various numbers you can call with people who will listen to you, and I think that is what you need.
What you are dealing with is long term damage to your psyche. One of these days you are going to snap and hurt yourself or others. Being around the age of 18 your brain gets weird. If you have a history of mental illnesses in your family this is the time when they will come.
There many things that can help you, but I can tell you right now, getting out of the house is your best option. If you can, go find a college and move there. It will be expensive but would you rather be in debt or be dead? You are living in a volatile situation that is slowly killing you.
I've been through the whole ordeal of drunk abusive step father who degraded me at every opportunity. Once he let a portion of our kitchen burn down to "teach me a lesson". I was 12 years old and making food. I forgot about it and it started a fire. He was 10 feet away and refused to tell me anything. I only noticed when I smelled smoke. After it was all said and done he laughed at me and called me stupid. When I had all my professors at my house cause I was the first male on both sides of my family to graduate from college he got as drunk as he could and proceeded to say how this diploma doesn't mean shit and I'm still a failure like my biological father.
There were many nights I laid in bed wondering if tonight was the night he would break into my room and kill me.
I don't know if your situation is worse or better, but regardless, you need to get out. Suicide isn't something you can take back.
If you have any questions or concerns feel free to message me. I'm no doctor or therapist but I've had experiences with shitty dads. My first girlfriend's dad would punch her for every minute dinner ran past 6:00pm. My current wife's father used to leave her in a parking lot for hours (when she was 4) while he peddled drugs (to which he later got arrested for).
I know you aren't saying everything you want to say but if you want to open up and talk to someone I'm here for you fellow comic book nerd.