Does anybody else struggle with persistent thoughts of suicide?

Ni has connections to existentialism and existential crises/depression. It's related to our stance in the se world and how things work out. If ni sees something and se doesn't it can be a bit of an 'I'm a failure moment'. Ik I constantly feel that I'm there for others and only other ni doms I feel truly there and felt by. Ni is such a weird function in general. In my mind how I see it as a dom function it's a life simulator. We simulate all these different pathways so we know what will work and what won't. We know if something is worth pursuing or if it seems futile. Inf se is disconnected from the actual se environment that when we're in se mode we see all the things our ni saw that failed. It can seem like our whole life is a failure and like no one wants to listen to us. Then we have the si users who freak out at the mention of suicidality and dark thoughts. We can't ignore dark thoughts because by ignoring them we're still focused on them but instead we're focused on how we shouldn't feel that or think that and then we see ourselves as bad when in reality the suicidal thoughts are there because we don't feel happy and we don't think we can change it. We don't feel heard from others even if we are there for them. A big part of fese is learning who is there for you and who isn't. Find the people who make you feel seen and heard :) do stuff that you enjoy or always wanted to do. The past few months I've been in existential crisis mode and lately I've been learning and playing piano. We have to be consumed in darkness to see the light shining within. Ni doms are resilient and we can live in that darkness and make it to the light inside. It's okay to feel and think that way, it's not bad or good. It just is how you feel and think. An ni dom I love who talks about stuff like this is teal swan on YouTube. Really helpful videos that are worded perfectly for ni doms like us. She has a book about how to piece yoursefl back together again from trauma and honestly it's helped me way more than therapy. It's taught me why I'm feeling an emotion, if there's a deeper meaning/feeling behind the original feeling, how to accept things that happened and how to make the child self understand what happened. It involves a lot of emotional acceptance. The kind of acceptance parents should give but most struggle with themselves. Like I said before society views x as bad and y as good. Most people don't want to be bad so we dissociate away from the bad even if we actually do the bad. As a society we've harmed the individuals in that no one wants to feel bad but people always will be good and bad. It's not one or the other. But because they don't want to feel bad they deflect their bad things when brought up, project it onto others, and get defensive. It's a big issue in the world unfortunately. Sorry I went on a long ass tangent but figured if I can explain some stuff from the behind the scenes of the brain I figure why not.

/r/infj Thread