I’m currently going through a similar situation. This process comes in phases, and I’m honestly never prepared for it when it comes around full-force. I describe it as a “bitch slap” of emotions, as it seems abnormal to my typical neutral state. It appears that this phase comes around when I begin to reevaluate my life and what it is that I value. I begin to question my friendships and I become a lot more focused on forming romantic relationships—sex, affection or just this kind of stimulus in general.

What makes this complicated for me isn’t a poor use of social skills, but rather how particular I am with getting close to people and forming strong bonds with anyone—as it’s this process right here that reminds me of how lonely I truly am. It reminds me that I have a hard time finding even one person that I want to connect to on not only an intellectual level, but also on a vulnerable level. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I not only want this, but I need this—to the point where it has begun to transfer over to a “I must find this someday”.

I’ve noticed that other INTJs do a better job of silencing this aspect of their personality to the point where they’re perfectly content with never having it, or maybe some just really don’t want it, but I can’t shake this for good. As I said, the feeling is usually temporary for me and I get rid of it by reasoning why it is that I don’t want to be in a relationship. Based on my experience with relationships, I’m far too detached and not emotionally consistent enough to want it in large or prolonged doses, which isn’t usually satisfying for the other person. The idea always looks good on paper, but never in practice. I sometimes wonder if it's only me wanting to get rid of these humanistic qualities just so it will stop pestering me.