I dream every night. Nightmare, actually. Nightly nightmares...

They are never the same and they like to alternate what emotion they abuse. Anger, fear, guilt, shame, pain, etc. They are very vivid and they often wake me up in the middle of the night. They have been happening for 3 years now, somehow linked to my depression. honestly, they really seem like a huge contributor to it.

I get all the common dreams like being chased by an axe murder, driving an uncontrollable car, or flunking a test. There are some that stick with me, such as giving birth to live snakes and being eaten alive by a cannibal. Pain in dreams does not exactly hurt, but it is very unpleasant feeling/emotional response.

The dreams I really hate are ones that involve my social life. Normally in the dream I am the instigator of verbal fights and act childish or petty. Sometimes, if I have a dream involving a person I know, the involved feelings will carry over to real life for a few days (so if I get mad at dream-sister I will not want to talk with real-sister for a while). I am occasionally able to recognize that I am in a dream, but that only seems to make my situation worse once I realize I'm stuck and can't wake up.

I've seen a few doctors about this. They never believe me until I pull out a dream log where every page is filled with a single night's "events". Then they ask if I'm sure I don't have PTSD.

My main comment is that it is hard to relax enough to fall asleep when you know the nightmares are waiting for you. these days, I just use drugs to knock me out. They cant stop the nightmares, but they let me claim my 8 hours of sleep despite them.

You know that quote that a coward dies a thousand deaths?

I'm not up to a thousand dream deaths, but they keep racking up. one day I'll just decide that I've earn that coward title and then I can just take the coward's way out to end all the nightmares.

Sorry, got a little dark at the end, but they really do take a toll on my mental stamina. Dreaming is not a happy place for me.