Feedback?

Your first paragraph of the story. Maybe add a little more detail into it. Or maybe not even have it at all. It makes the story a little scarier, anything can happen, where by starting off by saying there is an investigation we already assume 'hey murder' or something of the like. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying, but if we don't know the police are investigating, we have no idea that something is going to happen or happened. Just remember, constructive, I'm trying to help you so I'll break the whole thing down.

'He was a nice dog and he always licked Susie's hand'. At this part you are trying to create a bond between Susie And the dog. But all we know is that there is a girl with a dog who licks hands. We jump straight to the story. It is very hard for the audience to care about just a girl and a dog. Describe the girl. How old is she? What colour hair? Same with the dog. He could be a tiny pink poodle or a Dire Wolf for all we know.

Now I'm going to just point out a few little things that don't make a whole lot of sense.

Why does Susie have to stay in bed for protection? Protection from what? How long is she meant to be there for? She walked slowly over to the kitchen? How far away is the kitchen? At this point in time you could have really built suspense, as she has to eerily travel across her house. No cars are driving by. No crickets are heard outside. Silence except for the dripping. Something like that.

I have to go now, but basically describe a bit more rather than the way she walks, maybe the dogs toungue or the pressure she has to apply to that. Hope this help, good luck!