this is a difficult (emotionally and intellectually) conversation for me to follow but i want to say something as I think it could help me understand more.

I took the reference to mean more trival things like being angry or upset because you didn't win the lottery or someone pushed in front of you. a fair statement in that context.

victim blaming is very bad and shouldn't be supported. however supporting a victim should. if they can be opened up to the idea that they have a choice how they process events.... ?

i recall reading an article about Iranian women in the war of the 70s (maybe 80s) wearing make up. they wanted to do it because they wqnted a sniper to know that, whilst they may shoot them, they never stopped them living.

it does leave me thinking everyone deserves compassion and no one should be blamed but the underlying intent is valuable and true. maybe it'd work better without somethong like 80s macho bullshit....