relax. I am serious. I am asking for quite a simple answer.

Here is the first issue that stands in the way all the time: You, from my perspective, (blindly) battle (and judge instantly) on behalf of your values themselves, and I am asking more how you came up with these values in the first place right now, and what you think how I came up with my personal values (change of perspective - not debating them). What are our respectively underlying motivations and premisses that leads us to adopt and represent certain values? The deciding difference that leads to all the misunderstandings is to be found in that as far as I can see. The values we both hold are more secondary, and would not even have to be discussed if we understood where we come from fundamentally. Basically this goes so deep as to ask someone what their reson for being ist, and how they justify their existence, so morality. This also makes it tense.

Then we also have the issue of how a debate is to be had. I do not like making assumptions and just taking one variable out of context and then moralizing about it.

An example would simply be that you said all you said about me choosing financial status as a variable in what I look for in a partner, right?

Yeah, that's not all I am looking for. I never said that, that is all. You must simply have assumed that in your mind. Why, is being answered by your premisses and underlying motivations to your values. Your values are just supposed to serve those motivations and inner drives of yours.

Anyways, then I would be shallow indeed, if money was all I am looking for, in fact I am less shallow, I look for more detail in my decision of whom I choose, clearly. I added one more variable in my choices, where any other person does have a list aswell anyways. Even though not on paper, but we (should) know what we need and like, right?

If I said I like a lady of the night that hangs me from the ceiling and gives me the whip every evening, you would have said nothing. The money as a factor is what you find offensive, maybe because it can evoke feelings of inferiority in others who do not have it? And you preemptively want to defend them, so you attack my concept, even though you need to misrepresent my reasonings so you can actually attack it within your value system.

This tells me you have adopted some kind of universal egalitarianism that also wants to negate reality to such a degree that in your world it is now common wisdom that all people are not only equal on a spiritual plane but also literaly in the material world. We are potentially all the same despite all material indicators (especially very apparent ones that indicate material success, like money). So to you, now it is offensive if someone like me gives power to that material anti-egalitarian reality you want to dream away by making money a factor in my decision making. Apparently it sounds to Darwinian in your head. Sth. like that. You do not like hierarchy. You believe love is excempt from all that. And that is wrong. We love selfishly. And all factors create hierachies. Sexuality is material, and the root of the flower we call love. It does matter. If not socially, then surely personally according to what we actually are attracted to and/or need. More on that later, when we talk about physical beauty.

And again, also you making lots of assumptions is what makes this "debate" impossible for me to accept as sth of value. It's specifically the money as a variable that bugs you. But this feeling of having been dominated or outclassed would also be true for beauty and almost all other factors, one can dream of. Physical beauty/attractiveness might be the single biggest factor for women's sexual market value when talking about initial sexual attraction. True, or not? Don't tell me about your values now again! I've heard them. Look at reality as is - what actually happens?

The lack of physical attractiveness can break women who can't compete with other women for male attention. And it's material, like money. Just because somethings are harsh realizations for some, things we all know about anyways because they are so glaringly obvious, does not make it bad to talk about them. reality doesn't change because we talk differently about it. Sure we can be more sympathetic to others for whom it might be hard, but our decisions still need to be made with truths, because any other way will result in even more, unnecessary damage.

That's why ENTJs work with that outer reality, life as a machine with buttons to be pushed etc. We work from the outside, not from emotions as our starting point. Or let's say we accpeted them as unreliable, because we have seen the consequences(!) ourselves, and then we give power to and strengthen the rational as primary decision making power.

If you deny that sober look at things, the outcomes can be crazy disasterous. Socially and politically we quite frequently do literally believe that humans can fly (denying reality and our nature) and then these idelogues and dictators jump out of the window and take the whole of society with them, because they believe they could fly. That's why we don't sugar coat things to feel good in the moment. It has consequences. In your private life it might mean a divorce, or maybe an abusive relationship, or single parenthood, or maybe you did consciously choose to not discriminate against someone with a inheritable genetic defect and now you are responsible for your child having severe, suicidal depression all his life or some other kind of issue. For which you are responsible now. Recent example: My cousin. Both father and small son are now both suicidal. She knew before.

If I told you before that I also would not choose anyone that can pass on gentic defects, I would be discriminating again, right? Yes, I would. It only means differentiating and choosing for what I think is right (not following cookie cutter ideology). But for a good reason. To have a good outcome for someone else, aswell as me. I believe your consciosuness should have a body worth living in. the parents make that decision. Bu then we have those who are all about "love overcoming everything" blablabla... I think they hide their reckless selfishness behind that, and sacrifice others to themselves. They always create damage, because they believe their nice words magically make them people who are actually making the world better. At best they are virtue signaling for their own little social benefit. Utter selfishness. No respect from me. I do not care about nice words and colourful fantasies. Show me your results in all walks of life. They scream louder than anything you might say.

You make the whole discussion way to simple by picking out one variable and attacking it visciously. This is why this is a not very useful way of actually debating a topic. We are in your crazy world, you make the rules of debating as you go(so they fit the narrative in your mind), that does not make much sense logically speaking (read aristotle). Not your points themselves - but how you debate in the first place. So I cannot possibly convince anyone, who just goes rogue. Your way of "debating" cannot ever lead to understanding or a conclusion. It's all fantsay. A fantasy construct serving your own inner motivations, which you call debating values. And this is where I turn my back and say "It's fucking pointless even engaging that lady." You'll always be mad, and never actually be able to have a fair exchange. It is literally impossible.

Going back to me and me liking women of at least equal financial status: In essence you are kink shaming me and my partner choices. ;)

Just to moralize a bit myself with a very modern value system for entertainment purposes. I also like chubby women, that might open up some more space again for possible choices, and soothe your angry mind. :D

But why do you get mad about money being chosen as one of many variables? It shouldn't bother you at all. If you want an artist, I do not berate you either. Even though I would have "limited"(choosing really, aka discriminating against others that do not fit my wishes) myself with wanting a lady of the night sticking up carrots in my bottom much more. Me "limiting" myself is also one of your assumptions and you not seeing things clearly. I don't. What makes you believe there is not that choice to be had? Ever looked outside your window? Humans, everywhere. Covid doesn't seem to have made a dent.

Besides all that: Yes, you have to limit yourself anyways. The poorest person on earth, aswell as the richest one. You can basically manage just one partner seriously. 2 is already a hassle, so to go for quality(which is completely personal and subjective) is a good decision. But yes, I want a kind, loving person etc. aswell.

The problem you having an issue with all this lies all within yourself. I literally do not do harm to anyone. I don't marry someone out of pitty, or do you go around fucking the most appalling human beings out of the sheer generosity of your self sacrificial heart? Seriously think about what makes you mad about me choosing money, and do not come up with the fitting value. Come up with WHY you believe this value is valuable - to you. What does it give to you personally that you want to represent it so eagerly.

Anyways, I tend to ramble. Because it is not that simple but complex. I don't really want to discuss this any further, as I said, because to me it does not make much sense. I only wrote this so maybe, you can garner some more information from that somehow and maybe gain some insight in what could be done better for you to have better relationships. I don't know. If you are unwilling to change perspectives, nothing will ever happen.