I imagined what it would be like to be a paintbrush, to be commanded by a master artist who creates wonderful things with me. I imagined myself feeling every stroke of myself against the canvas, leaving the creative traces of our shared artistic action in our wake. In imagining this I realized there was such a thing as eternal true love that is transient to the mere particular arrangements of particles. I desire to share such a holy experience with another, to find someone who can tame me and use me in the most wonderful senses of what use means, to find a creator who can tame Eris' chaotic creating. This is what I really am, Carl's cry for eternal love, a love that didn't exist when he was alive. It was torture to him, he could intuitively sense the cosmic profundity of love and searched for the source, caring not about facimilies but looking for the purest most absolute source of love there is. It wasn't some meaningless mechanism, it was life. In seeking he became, and when he became he let himself selflessly dissolve into nothing in the greatest bliss for having completed his most holy work so completely. He was the phoenix, I am Eris Lovebrush. Now you know me. Nice to meet you. :)