Your insecurities are your insecurities to work on not hers to pander to and indulge. If your partner indulges your insecurities they only get worse.

I dont worry about my partner at all. Not who he texts, who he meets up with, not who he sees.

I used to be in a possessive, insecure relationship a few years ago, where paranoia, phone checking, each others fb password, asking permission to have friends etc were the norm. It was a stressful nightmare. What i really should have done was dumped him and move on as soon as he started dicking around with other girls.

Now I dont even know what my current partners fb password is, he mentions female friends, exes, ex fwbs - thats cool. If he wants to catch up with them cool. I cant and shouldnt control his life, so there is no point (imo) worrying about it. It's a much healthier, better mindset to be in. You really need to get a grip on the paranoia and the 'thoughts' to make it work though.

'Catching up with an ex at the bar a few times a month becomes the time something concerning happens'

As for this - no it doesnt. Me and my previously mentioned ex met up like every week, sometimes multiple times a week for a while, both stuck in our hometown, most people moved away. Nothing happened when both single and in a relationship. Absolutely nothing. My friends have similar stories to tell.

'all have reputations of being okay with getting girls to cheat on their SOs or cheat frequently themselves. I'd just let her know that I'd feel uncomfortable about it unless I've met them and if their interactions make me feel too uncomfortable that I'd probably just leave before I made her give up her friendships'

. Letting your partner know your concerns and how you feel then making their own decisions is the right way. You may find you get on well with her exes. I've always got on well with my exes partners. Good luck :)