This guy really said a lot of great things that at worth some deep contemplation. Based on what you've said you've broken the word of wisdom, the law of chastity, you've stolen, you're caught up in lying, you swear and take God's name in vain, you don't pay tithing, or go to church, or read your scriptures or pray, etc. I would never ever expect anyone under these circumstances to have a desire to serve a mission.

You said you want faith and you want the church. All you need to start is that little bit of desire. You're like the man in the Bible who said, "Lord I believe, help mine unbelief." Go to your bishop, confess your sins, express your desires to have faith and to have the church in your life. He will know how to help you. I believe you'll be surprised at how much your bishop loves you, how caring and supportive he will be and how merciful he will be to you. That has always been my experience when confessing to a Bishop.

If you have faith, accept your bishops help, do what he asks you, repent, and work towards keeping the commandments your burdens of guilt and fear will become alleviated. Serving a mission will feel natural because you'll feel so much love for God you'll just want to go.

There is a lot of peace you can experience in you're life, but it will require you to do you're part in drawing close to God. President Benson, a prophet, once said "Just as a man does not really desire food until he is hungry, so he does not desire the salvation of Christ until he knows why he needs Christ." It sounds to me like you're starting to realize that you're spiritually starving and need Christ in your life. Don't let things get even worse.

I live on SLC, and if you want a ride to and from church, I can help with that. You don't even have to wait on me, I'll wait on you. Heck, if you don't even want to try going to church, maybe just try getting ahold of your bishop, and he'd probably be willing to come to you.

I don't think you would have made this post if you didn't really want some kind of help. Lots of great support here, but it ultimately comes down to you. You have to decide to exercise a little bit of faith, start moving forward and working towards repentance and obedience. Only after you do that will you start to feel relief from your burdens, guilt, and anxiety related to the things you've shared with us. Good luck friend.