I use a fake personality in front of everyone

I had a traumatic childhood too. Not as bad as yours, but it's not a competition.

Throughout the first two decades of my life, everyone was awful to me. Friends turned on me and humiliated me. My family ignored I existed. Yada yada yada.

I have some chronic anxiety disorders now, and depression, gender dysphoria, yada yada.

I do genuinely know that most people are good, kind people.

HOWEVER, I've missed out on so much development. Social development, emotional development, etc.

Also, growing up in a situation like this, you become a MASTER at reading other peoples body language and everything about a social situation.

Because of this, any time I try to get out of my comfort zone, it ends up going really badly. Not particularly because someone was an asshole, but because of the way I speak, or my body language. They might raise their brow a tiny bit, and I know they think I'm some kind of freak.

The only way to get better is to have a whole lot of POSITIVE social experiences, but I'm unable to have them due to my own deficiencies. It's just more bad experiences added onto the pile.

/r/confession Thread