Honestly its a roller coaster. I was the only one available to take care of him as his disease progressed. This was as much a blessing as it was a nightmare because as hard as it was to watch him whither away i really got to know him even better than before. I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
The first month was a blurr of depression, over sleeping, over eating, smoking too much weed and i didn't leave the house for basically the whole month. I live in Canada so i was on what we call Compassionate Care EI which is social assistance for someone to take care of a dying loved one (canada is great). When he died i switched over to regular ei benefits so i could take some time. After about a month i decided (my loving fiance decided) it would be better for me if i occupied my days with work and return to a normal social setting to try to regain control of my life. The first couple weeks were hard. I cried at work 5 or 6 times those two weeks, and every night when i came home. (I am a tradesman so it wasnt easy to be so weak at work) eventually it started getting easier, normal even.
As of now i actually am back in school for my apprenticeship training so that helped as well because i joined my trade because of my dad and i feel like hes watching me and very proud. Honestly its still so fucking hard every day. I think about him constantly. I think about the nightmare stuff and the good times everyday all day. Sometimes i think i have developed ptsd as its still hard to control my emotions on the daily. There are many moments of weakness where i have to take a step back, fight tears and just breathe. When i wrote my original comment i cried. While im writing this comment im fighting tears.
I will say this though. It does slowly get better. Day after day it seems easier to get out of bed. You just have to remind yourself that he isnt suffering anymore and he wouldn't want me to wallow in his death. I have many many regrets but i know they are unfounded. I loved my dad and he loved me and no matter how many mistakes i thought i made along the way none of them mattered. All that matters is that you cherish the moments you do have with your loved ones while they are still here.
Its a hard reality to face but parents die. It sucks so much shit but its a fact of life. Just cherish the moments you do have thats all i can say.