I'm kind of the guy you describe, I like to be in control, I like arguments (as long as they're not personal/angry/violent), I may be perceived as kind of cold on the outside etc.

Now let me try to explain it from my perspective, simply put I'm a perfectionist not only of myself but of others.

I hold myself to a very high standard and when others do not have the same standards it makes me very irritable, it's not exactly something I consciously do it's just a reaction to something I think is wrong/could be done better.

I don't do it to validate my opinions I do it because I think I have the right answer and being a perfectionist I want people to challenge their flawed ideas and behaviours.

The reason I often think I have the correct answer/way of doing things is because I'm extremely mindful/critical of myself.

From my perspective I've overcome most of my illogical beliefs that some others seem to still believe and because I've already had this debate with myself I have an answer for their "wrong" belief, prove me wrong and I'll reluctantly reconsider but consider it none the less.

And yes when I was younger I was somewhat of a narcissist but I overcame that through the fact I'm a perfectionist meaning I came to recognize I wasn't superior to others but through high standards I could be the best version of myself.

Now my point is I argue and nitpick because I want others to have high standards of themselves and challenge the ideas they never have before, when I argue something (particularly something emotional) I'll often find I ask "why" more than anything and the following answer is circular "Why should X happen to Y" "because X did Z" "But why should X happen to Y?" "because X did Y" "yes but why?" etc.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm not doing this simply for my own benefit I'm doing it because I think others should set high standards for themselves and they often don't.

Yes it makes me a dick sometimes and yes I often forget that I do like/love people and regret being so critical but from my perspective my criticisms are reasonable, logical, quite easy to correct if you try, and will benefit you.

Listen to my criticism and either prove me wrong, take them on board, not do/say silly things, or could always simply breakup/move on and I'll understand.

Perhaps I'm not the guy you describe since I don't do this with strangers but I thought I'd provide a counter-argument to the people saying we only do it because we are egotistical, are validating their own opinions, don't want to actually hear what others have to say, won't change our minds, are trying to show off how intelligent we are etc.

Apologies for this being so convoluted.

TL;DR: If you don't set high standards for yourself expect me to set them for you.