This is definitely something you should be speaking to a professional about. Being able to relay important details (which they’ll know how/what to ask for) will really help you understand the gravity of it, since you’re questioning/doubting yourself and the only other opinion you’re working with in this post is from the man who did things to you that you weren’t ready for.

Rape does not have to be violent to be rape. We live in a world where it’s incredibly important to wholly trust who you’re getting intoxicated with, and even that isn’t a guarantee of safety. I will forever be an advocate of normalizing boundaries, though. Honestly, my own experience also taught me that, unless I was willing to go all the way with a guy, he doesn’t get to see me naked. Once it gets to taking clothes off (especially when intoxicated), it can be hard to slow things down. I’ve been called a prude for it, but oh well. I’d rather be called a prude than raped/assaulted again.

I hope you’re able to talk to someone who can help you sort through all these feelings! They can also help give you tools on how to set up the right kind of boundaries, tailored to you, and that’s so empowering. You’re not alone!