I enter the salon on my motor scooter and slide my massive 340 pound body upon the barber shop seat. It creaks and groans under the weight of my tremendous rump.

The thick layer of grease in my hair causes the qt hair stylist to knick me. She nervously mutters "Haha sorry.. I guess I went a little to deep".

Sitting straight for so long has caused the blubber to begin compressing my lungs and internal organs. I wheeze "I hate when that happens unless the girl wants me to".

The hair stylist is now visibly nervous, her hands begin to tremble and she nervously laughs. Adrenaline from this interaction with a woman causes my head to start spinning. I triumphantly mutter "I will stick it in your backdoor" with sweat pouring down my face.

The other stylists pull the qt away from my immense girth and call the police. I wake up in the hospital. The doctor tells me the adrenaline caused me to have a heart attack and the police found me passed out on my power scooter. Apparently I was too large for the ambulance so they had to air lift me to the hospital with the same equipment they use to move cattle.

It's really all about putting yourself out there.