I listened to a couple of minutes, but its just not for me. Too fan fictiony.

Plus starting with the new republic politics, literally the most boring thing when every other star wars kicks off in a much more interesting way. Your new story seems to be too much about the old characters as the opening of the film is basically Han, Leia and luke being reintroduced with their stories being most important. You have Han working security? He would literally never do that. Poe as a goof slacker security instead of an ace pilot?

I liked tfa kicking off with action and a rogue stormtrooper who has a change of heart. That storyline seems to be wiped from your remake.