You are assuming that because that's all the experience you allow yourself to experience. You can't use anecdotes to prove something more generational. All you can judge is your measurement that labels all people who cause hurt to you to be abusive even if 1. It was accidental 2. You don't believe beauty relationships involve communication about hurt 3. You don't trust who you get into relationships with enough to not judge them by an isolated experience without telling them how it affects you 4. Your rules don't let you discover people and circumstance they don't apply to.

Is it fair to judge people by people they are not? Is it fair to be in a relationship with someone you may decide to do this to? Is it fair to not let them know that prior to the relationship?

I've been abused too but I caused my own unhappiness long after for fear of experiencing something I can trust myself to not subject myself to reasonably. Its an extreme. You spent many years giving the benefit of the doubt. What you can do is remove that doubt about him. You can't use it to predict things about people you know nothing about, especially if you don't tell them that's something you do.

A huge reason I didn't get involved in relationships after abuse is because I knew it would not be fair to the person after. It just lets you keep victimizing yourself when no one is hurting you. That doesn't mean you were never a victim. It just means it's still hurting you in ways you don't know how to fix. Which, that's pretty much everyone who was abused, so. Everyone has the capacity to understand themselves and no one else. That doesn't mean it causes less harm than harm it purports to reduce.