She didn’t talk to you and ran to someone else, an ex. She only mentions these “reasons” AFTER getting caught, but instead of fighting for you, and stopping contact with the affair partner she is still continuing because he’s been a “friend” and “someone to talk to” she’s NOT fighting for your marriage here. I guarantee you once you tell her you are filling for divorce and she sees how much she’s about to really lose, she will start to “try” harder. But the trust here has been broken.

I’m a military spouse and the deployments have sucked, but she crossed a line and there’s no guarantee she won’t do it again when you’re away. Fearing or having those thoughts about your wife while you’re apart isn’t worth it.

I would find this a HUGE deal breaker personally. She brought the guy to YOUR home with your child, in your bed! And still refused to cut contact.

Sounds like her wanting to “work it out” is because she doesn’t want to lose her privileges. Hence her she has more to lose than him. Too bad she couldn’t think this before she cheated.