This is about an ex. He’s not an ex due to my cheating, he forgave me for that but I later broke up with him because I was unhappy in the relationship. No, I don’t regret it.

When I was 15 I met a 37 year old online and was obsessed with him. When he found out my age (I never lied to him about it, we just didn’t talk about it the first couple weeks until I decided to ask his age), he decided not to come meet me as planned but still wanted to keep talking. He would often go back and forth between being flirty and feeling guilty about my age. Eventually when I was 17 he said we needed to stop talking and of course I was crushed but respected it. A few months later when I was still 17, I met my ex (20). After a year of dating and turning 18, the old guy came back into my life. I was in his town for my niece’s birthday party and I decided to meet him. I really don’t have a better explanation other than this is something I had to do, I had to meet him in person after all these years of talking online so I could finally get over the situation. So I met him, we hooked up, it was fine.

I did end up telling my ex, not because I felt guilty but because I’m just overly honest, which I suppose is even more fucked up. He forgave me, we dated a while longer but I realized I didn’t have feelings for him anymore and every time he tried to touch me I would just cringe.

I did meet the older guy one more time when I was 19 and that was it. I’m over him as a person, as in, I don’t want to be with him anymore, but I’m not over the things he did to me (even though I was always the one that wanted to keep talking to him and acted like I didn’t care at all about his age, I guess trauma does some fucked up things to the brain).