I have a weird crush on Alice Glass. I don't really have any interest in her, but it's like being stabbed in the chest with a shard of br0ken_gla55 whenever I'm reminded of her. I stopped following her around the time Crystal Castles' third album (which I haven't listened to yet), I haven't listened to Stillbirth, and I'm afraid that if I read her Wikipedia article if she has one I'm going to be disappointed by something.

And I keep intentionally hurting myself by, like, visiting /r/WitchHouse and poking around until I see her name or her picture, or seeking out Stillbirth in my Spotify recommendations, like I'm daring myself. But I don't go so far as to do anything that would really hurt me, like read her Wikipedia article.

I'm slowly starting to become mature enough to quit this bullshit. I started listening to Crystal Castles on Spotify (I'd avoided them for a while), and even HEALTH. I might finally listen to CC's third album, and her single...one of these days.

I don't like...write her letters or anything creepy. There's part of me that loves her in some bullshit way, but the rational part of my brain sees my feelings for her as a disease. But I feel compelled to write poems about her and learn to use synths and vocoders so I can turn those poems into glitchy elegies and maybe impress her.

I also see myself looking like a cross between her and Winona Ryder once I transition.

This is why I have no friends.