I have two stories.
One, I developed feelings for a man I met in my freshman year of college. He was a foreign exchange student, several years older than me and had that suave, self-assured vibe that you never really see in younger men. Basically, watching him work inspired me to take up my current career path. I fell in love with not just the man, but the art he created. Unfortunately, I never had much confidence despite our obvious attraction, and whenever he kinda hinted at something I would automatically get shy and change the subject. My personal life was a wreck due to my family and I didn't think I deserved him. Anyways, in my junior year of college I learned that his student visa had expired and he would be moving back to his home country. At that point, problems with my family reached a peak and I was too depressed to really think of anything else. When we last saw one another, he told me it might be "5, 10, or 15 years" until we'd see each other again. I didn't know how to express how much he meant to me, so I just gave him this cheesy smile and said "Well...I'll miss you!" And left it at that. It's been almost three years since he left...I've worked hard to put him out of my mind, but every once in awhile I'll come across someone or something that reminds me of him and it stirs up old feelings.
For the second guy...well...I fucked that up haha. My heart was set on Guy#1, plus, Guy#2 (We'll call him Martin) was always talking about other girls so I never took my attraction seriously. Martin is one of those sweet guys that girls overlook all the time (their loss, I say). I remember talking to some lady friends about which guys were "dateable" or not, and when Martin's name came up, all the girls said they "love Martin, but would NEVER date him." I remember thinking that I would've considered myself lucky to have a guy like Martin be attracted to me! Anyways, we became extremely close friends in a short span of time. He helped me through the bullshit with my family and always listened to me through my troubles. When Guy#1 left the states, I just assumed that I'd never find love again since he was my "one". It was easy to pass off the chemistry between Martin and I as merely a sign of our friendship. One day I thoughtlessly kissed him on the cheek. When he asked me about it, I told him it was just a friendly gesture and not to take it seriously. :/ -is stupid- Took me awhile to accept my feelings for Martin. Just this past year, I was going to ask him out on his birthday. On the way there, my friend revealed that he JUST got into a relationship. Womp womp. His girlfriend is a goddamn sweet heart though, and I think they're wonderful together. I'm happy for him, but a part of me wishes it hadn't taken me so long to get over Guy#1.
HUZZAH FOR MY LOVE LIFE.