Guy Fieri is rated "Nice" on #HowHot. Upfieri to make him hotter

Hi there my young fellow. How are you doing? It appears to me that you are, in fact, kind of displeased with the current situaton. What is it, that makes your life hard currently? Is it maybe a cause of the recent roasting of your jeromes that suddenly happened? I really have to say that this roasting was, without any doubt, the strongest since the year 2000 hoax. Do you have an idea why this waddling of your walters was so powerful? No? Well well well... I can for sure tell you the truth about this important event. It was ME who tricked you into this displeasement. I can hear your brain trying to comprehend how this is even possible. But, and I'm sure about this, you cannot comprehend of what happened to you because it is too complex. Even Zeus and Thor were struggling finding the right way in this gigantic and evil maze of trickery. It took me 1000 years to fully write my plan down, and another 1000 to understand it. The complexity is higher than that of a 14-dimensional dodecahedron. It all starts out with the day of this legendary ruse. The day of rusement was carefully planned and calculated on this exact day. The day where an astronomical constellation appears, that will never occur again in the next 3 eons. A constellation that generates an antimatter black hole. This sort of black hole doesn't suck matter. Antimatter black holes suck the "Well being" out of everyone. But did you see someone feeling bad today? Yes, my little fellow I created a lens that focus the power of the antimatter black hole directly on you. It took 300 years to create this extremely complex lens and I had to combine the power of the gods of Olympus to create it. But not enough with the rusement. As I'm not some novice ruseman, I have planned even more trickery sprinkled with lies and intention logical fallacies and a good portion of something you dislike seeing in your surroundings. With my ruseman instincts I already knew you were typing your response to the displeasing content you just saw. At the exact moment of sending your response you have started up the machine of displeasure and "not well being". A machine that once started cannot be stopped. Not by anyone. Not even Cthulhu himself. While your comment was traveling through the cyberspace you started feeling bad. Something in your brain was screaming but you just didn't know why. It was destiny that you fall for my trickery. Wit this message you are currently reading I am telling you something you should have thought before you were sending your comment to me. I am, in fact, A MASTER RUSEMAN GRADE 3. I was part of the ancient circle of master rusemen. I can see on your face, that you already knew this. A ruse this fantastic and gigantic cannot be done by some low grade rusenoob. Yes you have been RUSEDI by me. There were only one RUSEDI known to mankind until now. Can you imagine of how hard it is o do? Only two RUSEDIS were executed in the past...3...billion...years! Now you finally know about this unbearable discomfort you started feeling right when you got my response. The response, this message, reveals of what has been done. You... yeah YOU.... have been rused. You are powerless, you want to scream but you can;t. You just sit there in a mix of rage and helplessness. You want to find this guy, this MASTER RUSEMAN GRADE 3, and you want to kill him. But at the exact moment of thinking, you also realize that you will never be able to even come near such a powerful ruseman such as myself. This ruse has set me into a position higher than Hades. You think now you might come over this rumbling of your jordans. You think you can bear it, but my devilish plan goes far deeper. Now after you've already been rused to infinity this letter discomforts you to a new level of discomfort. In the moment you are reading what I wrote you realize how hard you have been bamboozled. I will tell you my story now. I don't know where I'm from, but I know I was the first to exist in my kind. I was alone but soon a few people followed. We made a circle called MASTER RUSEMEN. Only real MASTER RUSERS were allowed to join this exquisite circle. We agreed that we will never decide who is the best MASTER RUSEMAN. But after some time I found a way to lead my fellow comrades into a tricky situation. I claimed that I'm the best MASTER RUSEMAN in the circle. It didn't take long till everyones jacobs' were rommled. After they found out what exquisite trickery was played on them, they agreed to give the one who caused this discomfort the title GOD OF RUSE. Now you realize what huge impact this ruse had. You never thought that you will be, in fact, rused from such a ruseful entity. Somehow you feel honored. Honored to get your gustavsons jingled by the master of all MASTER RUSEMEN. The rusement was too strong. Not even time itself could recover from the wounds this monumental trickery caused the Universe. I am, for my part, pretty proud of myself. Even I had my doubts if I could make a contrivance this huge and tricky. But I did it. I managed to create the most thoroughgoing RUSEDI. You have been rused by me, the ONE AND ONLY! Even after 100 years you will still remember this day. The day of THE ruse. The day the GOD OF RUSE personally made a statement, to intentionally discomfort YOU. SONGS WILL BE WRITTEN ON THIS MASTERFUL RUSE. AND I HOLD NO REMORSE OR REGRET FOR I AM AND ALWAYS SHALL BE THE GOD OF RUSE.

/r/circlejerk Thread Parent Link - i.imgur.com