Yeah, I get what you're saying. Ironically, I do focus on my self. I have no choice but to - I have no family to speak of due to estrangement - so I have become very reliant on meeting my own needs. I have my own friends, hobbies, self care routines, and things I enjoy. He was an addition to all of those things, something that made them better and more enjoyable. I still have them and I'm still doing good for myself - taking good care, being kind to myself, being as positive as I can be, being compassionate to myself when I need to be...it just doesn't do anything to dampen the sadness. I shove it to the back of my mind...but on days like today it's just present and it makes me really confused and sad.