Definitely they were and I 100% understand why they are. I've never asked for him to detract from caring for himself, his loved ones, his family, etc. I've always encouraged him to take care of himself; get in tune with his feelings, make time for himself, exercise or do something that makes him happy, and anytime he's been really stressed I've done my best to alleviate that stress for him. I feel like I created a dynamic in our relationship that was unequal, though. I gave a lot of priority to his depression and his life circumstances - once lockdown in our state was up I was the only one driving to see him, I was living out of a suitcase for half of the week, I was being flexible when his schedule needed to change last minute, I stopped complaining about him not planning dates or being present for our time together (though, I will admit that during the last three months when I was feeling like my brain was on fire and I was lonely and unsupported, I was definitely a lot more up his ass about "why aren't you present? why don't you do things for me/with me?" etc., which probably made things worse) - I really did my best and I gave everything I had to give. Even when I didn't want to drive 20 miles to his house, change our plans, or do nothing with my downtime, I conceded because I knew he needed the support and I didn't want to put anymore travel or stress on his plate. I feel as if by being so flexible with my needs and time it set this tone of "I don't have to do anything for her; she can do it herself" and...that's simply not true.

Ultimately I want my partner to WANT to be with me. I want my partner to WANT to work through our issues together, not just up and leave when things are hard and then come back when they've settled. I don't know how to explain to him that if this is the way things are...I can't do it. I can't be his friend and I can't move forward with a dynamic where my needs are just...not important. I don't know if I'm explaining my thoughts well.