Hey Fondant,

From your post history you seem to be in a distress spiral. That is, your negative emotions are compounding on each other and increasing over time. Maybe you're having obsessive thoughts, or repetitive negative self-talk. Maybe you're cycling through emotions rapidly, like "shame-guilt-sadness-shame". That happens to me a lot.

I'd suggest taking a break from the internet and doing some grounding techniques. If you have an ice pack, try holding it over your eyes for 5 minutes while breathing slowly through your nose and mouth. (This is called TIP, a DBT distress tolerance skill you can Google.)

If that doesn't work for you, try thinking of some skills that help you feel present and aware of your thoughts. Ask yourself, "is this wise mind? Or is this emotion mind?" Try doing some opposite action to shame.

Nothing you have done warrants this much self-hate, believe me. This is a difficult state to be in and it can be really hard to break out of, but I believe you can do it. Take a deep breath. Talk to your husband. We're here when you're ready to come back.