One thing: I’m actually struggling here- I don’t really post anything usually and I just read. I’m thinking that maybe I’m the narcissist and maybe I’m hurting him. I want to tell a happening this week as maybe I’m in the wrong.
We have decided to buy a new bed as I could not sleep properly. Our old one had a tall footboard, he goes to the toilet at night quite often. I stead of jumping over my legs he sometimes steps on them and I wake up scared and in pain. This has been going on for many years until I asked it we can buy a new one. Okay we go happy to the shop we pay( well he pays does not let me contribute with anything) he chose not to pay delivery as he wanted to build it.
He tells me we have 2 weeks to pick it up, im exited and dreaming of finally sleeping without the fear of being stomped and I say can we have it this week (this was Monday ) I say I can help we are a team (at this time I’m overly joyful)
He says let’s see i need a van. Ok
Tuesday he is asking me if at 3 pm on Saturday over the weekend ) it’s fine by me to go over to his at his dad for his birthday (sleepover in a very shitty bed ) I said ok and I asked if we can do the bed until then then ok. (Explaination for my so called it condition is that he starts things and never finishes them and I really want it that bed already, I’m sleep deprived) he. says ok
Next day he goes takes the bed and starts building it without me, (before he left he was extremely sweet and joking and kind.)
I had an appointment, I come home and he is incredibly upset and says in a very harsh tone: I paid the bed, I’m constructing it and I did not even wanted to do these things, im not happy about you conditioning me In this way, I don’t like deadlines.
At this point I’m confused I got hurt, I told him that I’m sorry, I wanted you to wait for me to do it together. I don’t know what happened, I explained myself. He has none of it. I am telling him why are you telling me these things ? He : I need to share my feelings and these are my feelings. I’m saying okay but if you do a nice thing for the person you say you love then why you also say you did not wanted to do it ?
Never got a reply back instead I got how I never validate and listen to him and that I shouts never condition him and put a deadline. I said ok I’m sorry, it hurts me what you say (we don’t really care about how the things he says to me make me feel - is about his feelings to be in the open and I need to listen to him and comply )
I’m confused, I don’t know what happened. I’m thinking that maybe I should have not said that so called condition and all would have been good. It was not a condition from me - it was an important thing for me but maybe is wrong