We have a recording of her yelling at me and being verbally abusive and name calling simply cause I ate some of her leftovers because I thought she wasn’t coming home that night… she was with a girlfriend and said she’d be home at 2 and wasn’t home until 4… in the morning! I ate her food cause I didn’t think there was other food and I’d gone grocery shopping for us.

I have a lot of questions. First, the food thing has me a bit confused. You ate some or all of her leftovers? You ate them simply because you didn't think she would be coming home that night...because she said she would be home at 2...pm or am? What time was it when you ate the leftovers?

Also, I'm confused by the fact you said two completely contradictory statements in the same sentence, specifically that you didn't think there was other food and you'd gone grocery shopping. Which is it? Legitimately asking because you point this out as though it supports your position, but as it stands, it seems to do the opposite. If you had just done the grocery shopping, wouldn't there be more food available at home that you would be aware of?

She didn't get home until 4am, you said. At what point did you decide you were entitled to eat her leftovers? Was it because you pay the rent and therefore decided that they belonged to you? That you were owed them? What if she was hoping to eat them when she got home at 4am? Wouldn't that be upsetting to you too if the roles were reversed?

When leaving I told her about the recording and that she clearly has anger issues and I can work on myself but she needs to own up to serious issues she brings to the table. She kept insisting I was abusive first. The recording doesn’t lie. I kept telling her. It’s black and white, at least for this instance… that I was asking how her day was and how she was doing and she screamed Fuck you and I hate you and you’re an asshole to me. She finally admitted “sure, okay, that’s cause you made me the worst version of myself, but you still have anger issues and it’s your fault, you can’t change.” I started therapy and offered couples counseling and she doesn’t care. Even when we finally find an instance wherein she’s clearly at fault, she somehow spins it around on me and makes it my fault. I’m 30, m, paid 5k to rent this house with her, she doesn’t work or have the means to pay for house, and I have no clue wtf is going to happen and now I have to drive across the country and live out of hotels and airbnbs as I go back to work in California. No idea how someone can be so ungrateful. I nursed her through drug and alcohol overdoses and was willing to do anything for her.

I get the impression that you were calm and didn't raise your voice, and you make it clear that you have "evidence" of her flipping out on recording. Let me just make something clear: a person, particularly a manipulative person, can absolutely speak calmly and softly, yet still be the toxic and abusive one. This sounds like reactive emotional abuse in that you're intentionally getting this emotional reaction from her, but covertly doing so under the guise of being calm, so you can become the victim instead. Did you calmly disregard and dismiss her feelings without acknowledging them? After all, she was mad because you simply ate some of her leftovers, and you implied that it was her fault that you did so. Did you make her feel unjustified and invalidated for being upset? Did you deny any wrongdoing on your part, and instead of just apologizing and admitting that you shouldn't have eaten her food, did you deflect by not admitting personal responsibility for your own selfish behavior? Did you instead flip the argument, shifting the focus to the problem being her reactivity and anger, making her the offender, and yourself now the victim?

This is all too familiar. I read this and think it seems like you feel a sense of entitlement over her, and it seems like you have underlying feelings of resentment and contempt towards her. You pay the rent...she can't afford to...right? After all, you named this post Kicked out of my own house and you seem to indicate that you are the victim for not being appreciated and admired enough. Maybe I'm just triggered by this post and being influenced by the parallels it has to my own personal experience...but I'm seeing this as having some of the red flags of covert narcissistic behavior on your part. I know this is not the answer you're hoping for, but it's my honest interpretation of the situation you've presented.