I found myself going through ups and downs where I was told that nothing was working by the oncologists during my Lymphoma treatment and I’d spend night after night awake and filled with regrets of the things I had done in my life. During some of those nights I’d “talk” to God, I’ve never been religious and not really sure I ever believed in God. I found it hypocritical to ask him for a miracle after almost 30 years of never involving him in my life.

There is no right or wrong answer here, you are going to handle the relationship in your own way and that’s perfectly ok. The highs and lows of the treatment are so drastic that I can’t even put it into words and however you want to deal with those lows is ok. Sometimes I’d find myself cursing God and sometimes I’d be begging him for anything to show me things weren’t going to end this way.

I hope you find whatever you are looking for and I really really really do hope that you don’t give up. Keep your head up and don’t take no for an answer. Talk to other doctors, hospitals, anyone that might be able to provide a different outlook.