I’m 21.

I’m gay and live somewhere where that’s punishable by law. If I ever come out, I’d be thrown in prison, but probably not before I’m honor killed. I don’t see a future for myself here and I also have no exit strategy. I’m essentially fucked. Not good.

I was diagnosed with Visual Snow Syndrome two years ago, which is a neurological condition that completely fucks up your vision. It’s pretty rare, so there’s no treatment and no cure. Destroyed the things that made me escape from my life, even for a few hours (Movies, TV, Games). Not good.

I’m black (Afro Arab, brown skin), and that comes with a lot of self hate. I’ve heard so many slurs and seen so much hatred that I don’t think it’s possible that I could be loved by anyone. Even if I miraculously get out of here, what then? Who’s going to look at me, or even in my direction? Not good.

The 1 year anniversary of my last attempt was a few days ago. Thought about and still thinking about trying again. I’m just really tired.