DMT did it for me, specifically ayahuasca. It changed the whole goddamn playing field. It made me see mortality (particularly my own physical destruction by the hands of time) as a truly beautiful thing, and necessary. I've seen a lot of improvement in my emotional maturity and how I approach everything in general. I feel... Fearless, maybe? It will also likely help you a lot in your job as a software engineer. Perspective can become fluid, and I can only assume that would be valuable.

This christmas I told everyone in my family, individually, about the impact they have had on my life, what makes them a great person in my eyes, and why I love them, It has had positive and lasting effects. I talked to my wife about the growing lack of passion and closeness between us, we are in therapy and stemming a problem before it becomes an issue. I have been addressing all of the exact problems you finished your post with, but at the root. Comfort with yourself comes only after a whole lot of work. Want to live a happy life? Live like a happy man. Positive output brings positive input. etc.

I'm in my mid 30's, this is my mid-life crisis. Pretty non-destructive, and it has been a very pleasant experience overall. This is also a lot cheaper than a porsche!

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I feel I have to finish with this disclaimer... It worked for me, but may not work for you. I'd say if it piques your interest, look into it, it's a lot safer than I was led to believe throughout my early life. Otherwise, Ignore me.