I know that there's no "the one". I'm very aware that this is the reality of life. I'm not stuck on that part.

After her, after a year or so, I tried to get back out there. From there every time that I started to get to know someone it always ended poorly. Either she "ghosted" me after a short-ish while or when something actually started to go somewhere the girl would end up wanting to end contact with me.

There were a handful of ghosts. One completely cut contact with me after learning that I had romantic feeling for her. Another, after learning that I was falling for her, basically gave a "ew, no", weakly tried for a bit of lighthearted contact after that, and eventually we stopped all contact. Which was for the best, really. The latest one seemed to be going well until I found out that she was hiding that she basically doesn't want an adult romantic relationship and her own mental issues makes her completely close off and fade as soon as the idea of anything serious comes up.

I haven't stopped trying because of that one person. I'm not holding on to some fantasy of "the one". I've been shown over and over that no one wants to stick around me. People don't actively want me in their life.

I have no friends. Work acquaintances, sure, but not friends. Every time I've tried I always end up that one guy who finds his way to a corner of a room because people are more interested in anything other than him. It's depressing.

I was a loser all through highschool. I thought that I got lucky in love and beat my past luck. I was wrong. And after that I'm still a loser with no luck with people at all.

I have been to therapy. About 2 years after she left me I was out there again, trying me best. I found a spot of hope again and made a lot of positive changes. But after a while everything piled up again and I couldn't lie to myself anymore. This is me.

I was diagnosed with depression about 3 years ago. So far no therapist or psychologist has been able to help me. It's probably not a chemical thing. I'm just someone who is deeply unhappy because I can't stand being so fucking worthless.