some perspective.

i maintain control over my family's finances. i pay the bills, i do everything. if my husband wants to buy a big ticket item, he checks with me first to ensure we can afford it, as he has absolutely no idea what's going on with the money. i have total control and could wipe him out in five minutes if i wanted. of note, he earns nearly twice what i do.

my husband has his own account into which his paycheck is deposited. i, likewise. most of our household and personal expenses are paid for by an amex - what isn't, i pay out of my account. when the amex bill comes due, i make two payments on it - one out of my account (lower, as i'm paying utilities/etc out of mine), and one out of his. the amex usually ends up being a 40/60 split.

we each have savings accounts into which i direct a portion of our individual paychecks, automatically. mine has his name on it. his has only his name on it. i set it up this way intentionally, primarily because i started mine many years ago - but post wedding - and it has a lot more money in it than his does, so i consider it marital income. his is set up in his name only because he received a small inheritance two years ago (an inheritance to which i have no rights and do not want), and we had to tap into it for a couple of large financial nightmares, and so his account is designed to replace the money taken from that inheritance. his money. i am the one who set up the transfer from his personal account into it, but my name is nowhere associated with it.

so above you have an example of a household in which the woman holds all the financial cards and could lay waste to her husband... and doesn't.

your wife is pretty awful. in your case, i would quietly open a separate bank account, redirect my paychecks into it, and once i'd built up a savings, i'd fucking split.