Don't panic...unbidden thoughts are just those... unbidden. Having stood at the edge of a very high cliff with my precious daughter in my arms I suddenly thought what would happen if I just let her drop. The thought came into my mind with such a sickening palpability it was like some evil hand gripped my heart. I stepped back from the near edge with fear and dread, legs weak, tears leaking from my eyes as I clutched my sweet baby girl close and knew I would have given up my baby if I had thought myself capable of such a horrifically evil act. It made me think very carefully about how precious life truly is and how far I would go to preserve it. I don't think it was a thought placed there by something unseen and outside myself. I believe it came from my brain as a warning. Edges of cliffs are dangerous places to be and it's best to be far back from harm or where harm may befall the unwary. My brain was keeping me and my daughter from potential harm.

I too have had suicidal thoughts. Unbidden. And I know I would never commit the act. Not for self preservation but for the horror the act leaves behind. I come from a family with three suicides that have left shattered lives in their wake. It was never an option and I knew this the moments the unbidden thoughts flashed to mind. I think of those thoughts as warnings. Get back from the cliff. Do not think or entertain the thought further. Preserve life.

You have a long life, God willing, ahead. There is sadness, great joy and deep satisfaction on life's road. Even at the worst moments of my life I could always feel, just around the next bend waited something of great importance. I was right. Life isn't always the way we plan it. Lost love hurts like your heart is torn in two and will never be the same. I can let you know it won't be, it will be far far better. You will find someone who loves you deeply, someone you will want to make the sun shine for. You will sing again. Try reading a little of Gods word. He is waiting to touch your heart, call you to a closer, deeper and more meaningful relationship you can ever have. His spirit will comfort you and give you peace, and you will heal, given time. In the meantime.. know there are friends out here praying for you, much love.