I want to learn to love. I want to learn to stop being so shallow and close minded. I am so fixed and close minded.
The fact that you're reflective and are looking for ways to solve your problem immediately tells me you're not that close minded. Believe it or not, not everyone admits to having this problem BECAUSE they are close minded.
And I'm always mad and stressed.
Care to elaborate why you're stressed? And why is it always?
And i always blame everything on someone else.
Is this actually true? Do you ALWAYS do it? Or did it happen recently once but you feel that it happens all the time. If someone was looking at you from an outside perspective, would they say you blame others 80 percent of the time or 10 percent of the time? If the latter, you're not "always" doing it, but probably occasionally doing it.
I hate how i get pissed when i dont get what i want. I hate how im always expecting myself to be perfect. I hate how much i think and stress.
Again, you said this word "stress". I'm really curious what it is that's worrying you? Is it this stress that's causing you to feel this way and blame everyone? Is there a way to get rid of that stress?
I over whelm myself. And i get deluted. I think that i know everything but i dont. And i think about myself before i think about how the other person feels. Im always so dam negative. What can i practice to become possitive?
I have this problem from time to time. I just think about myself standing outside of my own body and then looking at the situation. Sometimes, I'll even stand in the shoes of the person who I'm disagreeing with. It REALLY changes my perspective. It helps to have a mirror in my living room because I can even see my visual facial expression, and get discouraged from making negative ones because it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I recommend finding a cognitive behavioural therapy app (CBT) and you'll immediately notice a few things in your own paragraph that may or may not be true. In fact, many of the replies you got here are certain conclusions you'll arrive by analyzing your own thoughts and changing extreme words (always, never etc) to more objective sounding words (once this week). Again, I don't know your situation, but the wording tells me you're being too hard on yourself and it's likely that you are not as "shallow and closeminded" as you think you are.
Good luck! I hope you feel better soon~