You're kind of being a little bitch. You asked. The masses responded. There's a reason they responded similarly. Something smells here, there's just something off with this story. So you were gonna off yourself from guilt, but telling your wife what you did was not to make yourself feel better i.e. not off yourself? You were deeply repentant to Bishop/SP/CofL, yet you're unwilling to realize that getting BJs is adultery? Come on mate, the fact that you refuse to believe that what you did was adultery shows that you really don't care. Actually, the fact that you are even arguing this point is the very problem. If you had cared then you'd feel as bad about what you did to your wife as if you'd full-on boned the stripper.

When you are repentant of an action you admit your fuck up for what it is, completely and without reservation. You have no fucking rights that allow you to postulate some sort of caveat to your fuck up. The fact that you went into CofL thinking you were unlikely to be Exed shows the reason you actually were. It's not the system that is the problem mate...it's you.

Cheating on your spouse is the lowest thing a married person can do in mortal life, isn't it? And it doesn't matter what form it takes. Sex is just the obvious and preferred and recognized and punishable method of cheating by the cheater to the one being cheated on. You want to pussy foot around the semantics of BJ ≠ adultery/sex/intercourse, after cheating on your spouse? Fuck you. This equation (or lack of) that you've chalked to board speaks volumes to your perceived culpability. Lemme break it down for you: lying = flirting = kissing = petting = BJ = sex = adultery = CHEATING. People who care that they've cheated understand the definition of the verb and how it's acted out. There's no half-cheating, quasi-cheating etc. Of course there is severity of actions i.e. kissing < humping in severity of physical actions. However, this simply measures the severity of a lack of commitment you offer to your spouse...But not the severity of cheating.

You should feel worthless. You don't deserve much less, do you? But guess what, we all fuck up. A lot. Nobody here has a fucking corner on the fuckupless market, this author included. The difference here is that you've chosen to broadcast your fuck up to the lowest bidder. Mistakes get made every day and wrongs can be righted. You and you alone can right this particular wrong, or spend the rest of your life trying to right it if that's what you choose. It's your life. You are not powerless to this end. If you actually truly sincerely love your wife, which I doubt you do or else you wouldn't have cheated on her, then fucking hell mate - spend the rest of your life loving her more than you love yourself! Give your life to her, for her. If you can't be true to yourself then at least be true to her and save yourselves the misery. End your marriage, go buy some strippers and then go sod off.