I want to thank everyone so much with all of my heart. I’m shocked by this amount of responses. There are so many different opinions, which I expected. I’m writing this here because I know I won’t be able to respond to everyone.
I told my fiancée that she should get into counseling. She told me that she’s actually gotten counseling for this but she will get even more because she knows the severity of the situation. She vowed to be 1000% honest with me about this and other things, good bad and ugly. She told me that she told me this now because she really loves me and doesn’t want me to end up with a woman who he doesn’t truly know. Because she doesn’t really have a family, there was no risk of anyone else telling me. She did tell me on her own
She cleared some things up. Her nephew was actually 20 when this happened, 21 when it ended. I was actually the one who thought he was 19 because of something else she said in the past (something about the age her sister had children). And I was the one who said that he “came 100% onto her”- it was a lot shorter than what she said (that he offered to give her a massage and ended up undressing, kissing and touching her). She fully admitted that she should have stopped him but instead enjoyed the attention and gave into it. For you saying (understandably) that she’s playing the victim, she blames herself for this 100% as she was the older wiser one. She was 38 during this time .
Unfortunately, it didn’t end because her sister found out. Her sister found out when they were only five months in. She kicked them out and because of having no where else to go, they went to stay back with her cheating ex husband (who had an affair with her 18-year old daughter, his stepdaughter. Cool family right?). They continued their affair there. She ended things when she couldn’t take the wrongness and disgustingness of the situation any longer and vowed to get help, and she did. She and her nephew are of course completely estranged.
She tells me that this situation was although of course still her fault, a result of the vulnerability, messed-up mind and broken body she had at the time. She is certain that she would have never done this if she was in her right mind. It’s still something that I can’t fathom but then again I never experienced half of the horrible traumatic things she has.
Right now, I’ve agreed with a lot of the comments telling me to get individual therapy. We are both getting that. I still have a LOT of feelings to work through but in time we might be able to get couples therapy and move past this.
I want to sincerely thank you all again.