I know I have a part in this. I know I have enabled this situation. It began as me having the ability to make more money than him so he would stay home and take care of the house and kid to save that major expense of childcare. But he watches him overnight so he doesn’t have to really do anything. And he doesn’t help around the house at all. I can’t even get him to take the fucking trash out. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being guilted like you’re gonna mess our sons life up etc. like no the rose colored glasses are off YOUVE BEEN RUINING OUR SONS LIFE. and the way he acts I don’t want my son to act that way. Luckily my son spends a lot of time with me and he’s calm and sweet and loving. He doesn’t hit or get angry about stupid shit. Luckily my son does have one fucking sound minded person to look up to. But he always asks for his dad and what do u know he’s on the computer or sleeping.
I just want him out of our lives. I just want him to disappear and leave us alone but the narcissist he is has and will make it a living hell for us to live a happy life without him. I no longer am sacrificing MY OWN happiness for the sake of a legit loser. he comes and says “I’m about to turn a corner I am about to finally graduate and I’ll get a job and thing will get better” like no. There’s always another thing I have to wait for for things to get better. You HAVE control over this situation. You chose to do nothing you chose to not change. I’ve been telling him for months this is an issue for me. It falls on deaf ears. I just wish I could up and leave. I would take my son and my dogs in a heart beat. Keep everything idc. I’ll start over. I’ll go somewhere else. We don’t NEED you. And you’ve consistently proven that we can’t depend on you anyway.
I’m only 28 years old. I’m way too young to be this unhappy with my life. I don’t want years to pass by and regret staying with such a selfish person. I don’t want my son to grow up to inherit my anxious attachment or his fathers avoidant style. I have been working in therapy and reading books and learning about why I behave in the ways I do.
I’m no longer desperate for his attention. I no longer wonder why he doesn’t want to make love to me. I no longer need his validation. I’ve been alone for a while , I’ve mourned him for a while. Now all I feel towards him is disgust and anger. he doesn’t deserve me and will literally have to die and be resurrected into a completely different person for me to want to be with him for me to trust him.
I don’t feel responsible for the health of our relationship anymore. I have done everything I could to support him to love him to make our relationship work. He’s the one who took it for granted and I’m not giving anyone my love time or attention that easily anymore. I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made as I have learned valuable lessons. I feel sad for my son that he will grow up with parents that aren’t in love, a family that isn’t in the same house. But I didn’t chose that. I didn’t want that. I would’ve done anything to make this work. I was met with constant selfishness and resistance. But for myself and for my son, I know this isn’t gonna work. And i no longer support the type of behavior that this GROWN MAN has displayed.
I just want out.