What are you doing? Are you an adult woman ? You do not need to hear from this man to survive. Get yourself right. You should be working or going to college. You have to GET A LIFE, focused on YOU. Attention and validation from this man isn’t going to make you whole. You will feel better about yourself, he will feel about you if you don’t spend every waking moment concentrating on him and what you falsely believe you need from him. You don’t need anything from him, not really. You are GROWN. Get busy finding something to do with YOUR LIFE.
Do not go about this FOR HIM or FOR HIS ATTENTION. He probably will notice if you aren’t spending all your time pining for him. Who knows how will react immediately but who cares? He’s not the end all be all. If you love him, if you want to be with him, no question your mental health has to improve. No other person, not him, not your therapist, not anyone on Tik Tok is going to save you from yourself, you have to set yourself straight, whether this relationship lasts or not.
How did your relationships begin? Did he meet a strong, confident woman or a quivering mess? You don’t need him to control yourself or regulate your emotions. Learn to self soothe. You’re likely stronger and more capable than you feel. Something messed with your mind, leading you to believe some man’s opinion of you is more important than your own, as if his attention is crucial, as if his love and devotion will finally make you happy, none of these are true. I’m not saying he’s to blame. He has his own issues to deal with. You are responsible for your mental health and he’s responsible for his. He can do whatever he wants about the PTSD, in his own time. Military men are taught to crush their feelings or DIE.
Try to be a calming force in each others lives. Don’t create conflict or senseless drama to keep him on the phone or nearby. He has shit to do, So do YOU. Did he yell at you because he has been through this before, with you or someone else. He probably believes your repeated calls, texts or whatever you’re doing are techniques to put the focus solely on you. He’s out of town for a week and you can’t cope? Please, yes you can. I’m starting to wonder if social media is to blame this for this failure to thrive. Do you watch couples doing short clips online and think, now that’s love ? It’s not true. Movies, TV, music and social media have warped our perception of relationships and dating.None of it is real. Where else could this learned helplessness, this I can’t go on without my man mindset come from?
The only thing I thought you did right was call a crisis center, They are trained to deal with people who get all up in their heads, have limited coping mechanisms and think their own company is somehow a negative. Figure yourself out. If you like prettier words… find yourself. This man can’t fix you.