He's literally so afraid of his mommy, hes willing to sacrifice your son to keep her from getting mad at him. Hes totally ok with using his defenseless baby son as a meat shield against the deadly bullets his mother is shooting at him and his family.
I'd personally be terrified I married someone who doesn't put me and our children first. That's literally in his vows...did he forget those too?
You need INDIVIDUAL and marriage counseling if you're more concerned about wording your very basic concerns regarding your defenseless infants safety and wellbeing "respectfeully" rather than TRUTHFULLY.
You don't sound like you're unhinged and vindictive...so why are you so concerned with coming off that way when speaking to your own husband?? Does he use how you say things he doesn't want to hear as a nice scapegoat and pivot to end all conversations about things he doesn't like to hear and make them about your "tone", especially convos about mommmyyy. Yeah, he learned that from his mommy, my jnmom does the same thing to me. Your husband's deep in the fog. Hes been married to mommy this whole time, and using you for fun, maid service, competent child care, and to have his mommys Facebook like machines...I mean grandchildren.
You recounting that story of her starving and neglecting her brand new , defenseless grandchild should have ended that conversations. Who gives a flying fuck what he "remembers ". Actually he should have done more than pat your head and tell you to get over it when it happened! He should have called up his mom and asked WHAT THE FUCK she thought she was doing? Is she blind, deaf, or just too fucking dumb to take care of a babies basic needs for 7 fucking hours. Wtf!? Girl get mad! Protect your baby!
You do not have a mil problem. Your problem has always been your SO. Hes never been on your team. Hes always been on his moms... and you've let him stay there by placating his need to keep his mommy happy above all else. If my husband was running around here wringing his hands about Thanksgiving and not deferring to me, the woman he married and the woman who pushed out his child 9 months ago, demolishing my asshole in the process...id run, not walk, to a therapist...thats where we'd be spending thanksgiving, reading self help books for sons raised by narcissist moms and doing the homework our therapist gave us. It would be all hands on deck to help daddy out of the fog...because ill be damned if I spend my best years competing with an abusive, negligent, manipulative, deranged elderly woman for my man.