Marriage and relationship therapists and experts say that out of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, stonewalling is the number one reason relationships end.

I understand having to tell someone you need to take a break from an argument, going off to cool down and process, and returning to discuss the conflict at hand. This is not stonewalling. It’s when someone drops off the face of the earth, ignores all attempts at communication, returns days later pretending like it never happened, and doesn’t resolve the issue, that is damaging.

I get stonewalled for days. I once got stonewalled for weeks. (In fact, I’m being stonewalled right now.) Each time, it makes me more cautious to interact with that person, because I have no idea what set it off, because they won’t tell me. I have found myself to now just stick to talking about superficial and “safe” small talk, and watch what I do around him. I am no longer as comfortable as I used to be with him.

We are supposed to be moving in a few days, but since I haven’t heard anything from him, I no longer know if it’s happening or not anymore, and now I’m stressed, because I am now having to make a backup plan to find other housing for my daughter and I before the end of the month.