I started to read this but had to stop because it was triggering. I'm terribly sorry for whatever happened. You didn't deserve it and I hope you find some healthy ways to cope and people who will support you, even though you aren't receiving support from the people you would hope/expect to be there for you. It's way easier said than done. Have been working on it myself basically my whole life.

That being said, I kindly encourage you to please put trigger warnings on topics like this. Reddit can be a great place to seek support, but there may be people who are not at the right place in their recovery to read something like this and a heads up can be greatly appreciated.