Let me first start off by saying, I dont know what im feeling towards my friend, if I'm totally honest...it's weird... I've known my friend since like 9th or 10th grade, we're seniors now(both 17). You know when you meet someone and you just know they're a good person? Yep, I've always felt that way about him. I've always just known that he's a cool person. Back in 10th grade, his friend actually came up to me and told me that he liked me(I dont know if he asked her too because he was too shy, or she just felt as if she had to tell me), and I was shocked, because I literally had no idea. I had literally just starting dating my first bf at the time for around 2 weeks, so the timing was completely off.
Well, for a couple of months now, we've been talking a lot over FB, and im realizing just how awesome he is. He's very unique, sweet and kind (he's always been this way) he's clever, intelligent, a deep thinker, funny.... like, I love how our conversations can range from silly and funny, to really deep and stimulating...we can talk about the meaning of life and anime in the same conversation, and it's freaking beautiful lol! In my last relationship, which ended a couple of months ago, I never got that, and im realizing how much I really love being mentally stimulated..Its like the more I spoke to him, the more awesome I realized he is...And to honest, if I had to describe the type of person I'd like to date, he pretty much fits the bill(I will be honest--I have only dated one boy in the past, so what I think I want and need may change in the future...)
Adding to that, we have a lot of things in common. We both wanna travel one day, we both really like anime and video games, we both like art(specifically drawing, although I dont draw much anymore), both kinda introverted(tho im probably a little more introverted than he is)and I dunno...we're just so similar, and get along so weird, it's kinda weird lol We can talk for hours it seems, and I never get bored of it.
The thing is, he likes this girl, and he told me about her. The girl is soooooo pretty, and nice, and guys just love her, so I could never compare. Every time he talks about her I give him advice, but I die a little on the inside. Like I feel jealousy, but I have to act like im happy for him(which, a part of me is happy for him honestly).I dont know if she likes him back(He just found out she has a bf, actually), but I dont see why she wouldn't :/ So yeah, I know he doesn't like me, or see me in that way.
I see him everyday in school, and every time we see each other, we give each other a hug and share a quick laugh before going to class. In gym, he gives me these random little hugs, and we always just gravitate towards each other to talk about random stuff lol, so it's not like I can avoid him. He'll give me compliments some days, saying that I looked really pretty and gorgeous on a particular day that I actually dressed up, did my hair and put on a little bit of makeup, so it's always nice that he notices...he's even sent me a little emoji with the hearts for eyes after saying it, but he's honestly just a friendly guy. Like, I dunno...I feel like im so far in the friend zone, it's not even funny lol On one hand, there are times when he'll say I looked beautiful when he saw me, that I have pretty eyes, etc, but then sometimes he'll end up calling me bro, saying im cool and awesome(which to me are pretty platonic compliments)which to be honest, I personally call everyone bro, including him and other guys I've liked lol sooooo...thats confusing me a little bit.
This whole thing sucks, and it's making me feel very sad inside. Even if we were to date, I wouldn't want to lose on of my best, closest friends, but I think he's sooooo amazing... sigh maybe I just have some sort of deep admiration for him as a person, and its not really romantic in nature? I dunno. And also, im so paranoid that if we were to date I'd find out some really freaky things about him lol! Then what do I do??? Plus, college is a thing, and he's going away anyway, although he says he'll visit (yay!)
I'm pretty much just a friend to him, and im trying to accept this, but I dont know if what im feeling is romantic in nature towards him or not. I've been feeling like this for around 8 months, so i dont know if it's going away or not...I kinda want it to go away, because it's just so confusing...
tl;dr: I have these weird feelings towards my guy friend, and I don't know if they're romantic or not. If it is some sort of weird crush, I have to get over it, because he doesn't like me.