Me (24F) and my friend (24M) had sex 3 night ago. I thought it was amazing and wanted to possibly see where things would go from there, but he said it was a mistake and we shouldn't have done it. I am not sure how to proceed here.

You are missing the point.

All relationships start with attraction. Which is looks + personality. Very few ppl will start dating you if they don't like your look. And then twenty years down the line, there is lots of love and history. Then it matters less.

And for someone who's had a drastic glow up change in apperance, you basically know that most people you date after wouldn't have dated you before.

I think maybe our disagreement could be based on what is considered a change though. If you cut your hair an inch shorter, lose 5 lbs, gain 2 lbs of muscle? Tiny things like that shouldn't affect ppl.

But when you end up looking like a completely different person, it will affect everyone. Both people you know before and the people you know after. And you'll end up dating people you couldn't have dated before. No matter if you met them before or after, that will be the truth. And then comes love.

You are testing for the wrong thing when you think like that. If a girl will date you no matter what you look like, it just means she doesn't prioritize sexual attraction. Either bc she doesn't think sex is important or bc she's settling. Both would worry me.

Vs what you do want. Which is love and loyalty that makes someone stay. And you can be loyal and loving, and still start relationships from attraction. Or disloyal and unloving, and still start relationships without attraction.

It's just a bad test.

However, I still agree with you that everyone should date who they want.

I was a sweetheart when I was fat. But I was obese and now I'm a size XS. Do you think anyone I date now would have dated me before? Bc I don't. But it's not a cause of self doubt for me. I think attraction matters at the start of any relationship. And I'm ok with the fact that that's how the world works.

/r/relationships Thread Parent