Holy shit this could have been written by me in 5 years (if you reverse the genders). Both of my parents expressed anger by screaming. My mom did the "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" routine (followed by a spank) which is the stupidest thing anyone can ever say - she gets it from her mother, who accused anyone who was crying for any reason of having "crocodile tears". My mom stopped spanking when I was about 5 - my youngest sister doesn't remember it - but she pulled out the annoyed "stop crying!" snap as recently as a couple months ago. My dad would get right up in your face and scream, his face turning bright red, his spittle hitting your face. It was awful, and I learned pretty quick that running away only made it worse...

I'm 21 and I have no idea what most people consider a "yell". I've had friends tell me to stop yelling at them when I'm just a little frustrated and I turn around and say "what? I'm not yelling" because to me anything less than a full out bellowing scream isn't "yelling".

I was about 2 or 3 apparently when my mom realized that she was trying to make me feel the same fear of her that she felt of her mom, and it still took her years after that to stop spanking, and she still snaps out useless criticisms and hurtful things when she's angry. I can't count the number of times I was called lazy for not wanting to work in the garden or vacuum the rugs or something, and eventually you begin to believe it.

My parents are generally wonderful. They love me, they support me and my decisions, they're paying for university, and I could never cut them off because the good so drastically outweighs the bad. They just have no idea how to be constructively angry.

I have no advice because I'm in the exact same boat, and I've been in your daughter's shoes, but I'm going to read through every piece of advice on this thread and hopefully it'll help me too.