After several years of mental health treatment I think I finally have the correct diagnoses. I was originally diagnosed with GAD and ADHD and after an episode was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, but this later changed to bipolar 1 mixed, and then my psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD, and then also changed my diagnosis from bipolar I mixed to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. But after a while my psychiatrist changed my diagnosis back. My psychologist (who I trust more because he is also a QME and I talk to him much more than 20min appointments once a month) said that my diagnoses are ADHD-Combined Type, Bipolar I Mixed, and OCD. The OCD diagnosis is the most recent one and also what I believe is currently impacting my life the most, considering that I’m currently stable from any BD episodes and am taking ADHD medication that works well.

I tried Zoloft for the OCD a few months ago and it worsened my bipolar symptoms a bit and I quit it, but mostly due to the physical side effects. Kind of counterintuitive but a lot of my obsessions involve the physiological state of my body and I couldn’t tolerate the side effects of Zoloft and this has been the case with many medications I have tried in the past few years, especially those for bipolar. I think I also experience a lot of compulsive checking related to my memory and experience depersonalization and derealization. I am often hyperaware of my bodily sensations.

I often have intrusive thoughts about anything I write and may repeatedly reread my writing to make sure that what I’ve written is grammatically sound and makes sense, and especially that the meaning of my writing reflects what I intend to communicate. I try to communicate assertively with people but often worry that I’m being too aggressive or passive-aggressive. Also I often ask others for clarification about the contexts of what they’re referring to because I get worried that I’m not inferring it correctly. I also frequently obsessively research subjects to reduce my anxiety in hope of finding answers which will solve the problem for me. Not sure how much all of this is related to OCD.