Your husband is kind of a sociopath. He's unable to connect to you emotionally on any meaningful level, likely because of the lack of affection or social teaching early on from the parents. He probably has a hatred for women because of what his mother did to him and he probably sees see as enacting some sort of violence against the woman that hurt him, and that's also probably why he doesn't want to have sex with you (he doesn't want to hurt you like he wants to hurt the other women, and he probably thinks sex is like an attack).

I'm speaking from a place of first-hand experience. I had a very abusive childhood and it took years of therapy to realize the reason I don't really connect with anyone is because of the lack of teaching about that connection during my formative years by my abusive parents. I also have a fiery hatred that I have to work to control that manifests itself (when allowed to do so) as fits of drug-fueled mania leading to dangerous, borderline manic sex. I've fucked disgusting women and men just to get a fix and when it's all over I'm just angrier. I used to try to find women that liked to be choked, slapped, and violently fucked so that I could unload my rage safely, but it was never enough. Then I went on to fucking big, masculine men to express my power over others and gain that feeling of control, but that didn't do it either. I ruined many relationships and got myself into a lot of shit trying to fill that childhood wound with all types of substances and filthy sexual escapades.

He's probably drowning inside and has no idea how to call out for a lifeboat. I learned how to tread water but my boat still hasn't come, so this next advice comes from a place of painful understanding: leave him. He can't change until he decides to and he'll burn your life to the ground because he can't help it. He's the scorpion and you're the frog.