Things are much better now. We did several months of counseling and it helped alot. Helped me get my resentment out in the open and her anxiety about not being able to "perform" when I initiated. We did a love languages quiz and figured out I am more of a love and intimacy, where she is admiration and gift. We have found a massage before sex helps her relax and get in the mood more. I'm horny so no need for a warm up for me, not to mention she is absolutely beautiful and that alone is a turn on. I would prefer sex 3 to 5 times a week. She would be better at once a week, maybe every 2 weeks. Before we went to counseling if I didn't bring up sex then it wouldn't happen at all. This would last 2 weeks until I had so much resentment that I would kind of turn into a asshole (being short with her, not helping around the house as much as I should have) we would argue about stupid stuff. Then she would have sex with me. This was terrible sex, it felt like a pity fuck everytime. Like get it over with so you can go back to being happy. This last a good year before we sought help. We're good now. You need to figure out what makes you happy. And what he needs to be happy. I didn't want to just have sex to have sex. I needed it to mean something, I needed her there in the moment, I needed that connection with the one person I wanted to have it with. This morning for example we were just waking up and she reached over and started stroking me, that hadn't happened in ages. That right there tho showed she wanted me, she needed me. She on the other hand loves small little gifts, weither it be a favorite candy bar, or a call while I'm out to see if she needs something, maybe a foot rub while we are watching TV. Find what you need from him, then ask him what he needs. Have him really think about it. I'm sure it's going to be similar to me. He needs you to need him.