If I do something that hurts her feelings, I immediately and freely apologize. She has said straight up, that she doesn't care about an apology, nor does she care if what I did was intentional or by accident. Does Not Matter. Ever. She seems clearly convinced that everything I do has malicious intent, because I should have known better. Explaining that I did try to take into account whatever I knew would hurt her feelings, and that this time was different for whatever reason, doesn't matter one bit.

My current boyfriend of over 5 years (not married because of financial reasons but live together, finances/accounts intermingled) was very similar to this at first, especially when we first moved in. I am quite the opposite, so it was a shock to me. For him, it turned out that there were just really bad experiences in his past - a lot of abuse and emotional manipulation in relationships - so he had a defense mechanism that made him assume apologies are basically false and stupid and that intent doesn't matter because results show your intent. He has since gotten over that, or the relationship would not have lasted, though the attitude crops up during a fight now and then (I know now to give him time and take a "breather" from discussing the issue, and that he will come back more logical and ready to address the actual problem - I'm not perfect, I'm happy to apologize, but I need my partner to trust I'm not malicious).

The rest of this post is kind of a mish-mash of complaints that seem unrelated, honestly. Maybe they're related in that she doesn't want to intermingle stuff?

I wanted to say I totally get not wanting to call someone and just get my stuff myself in my own house, though - I wouldn't have called my guy at work for something like finding that either, and I may get a little mad if he moved something of mine without me knowing, but I'd just ask him to let me know next time. I wouldn't call someone for that because it's too frustrating in the moment you're looking for something to deal with the phone. (That may not make sense, but it does to me.) Her throwing the hissy at you is a problem there, but not that she didn't call you, in my view.

I don't really get what her deal with the bowl or the drill bits is. It seems like she has some sort of attachment to things not changing?