You are certainly in a bind with unfortunately two difficult choices. I'll try to frame this for you with some food for thought, but in short ultimately the choice for you is one you can easily see: divorce, or keep an amazing woman with a past that irks you. You will have to decide whether you love her enough to work past her past.

I am familiar with the types of banking events you will need to bring your wife to, and the fact remains that sometimes business is personal, and that her history may very well be an issue for some of your dealings with peers/clients. We can recognize that this sucks and agree that society is crap, and we can work to change it, but the fact remains that there may be a cost to this professionally. You can temper this by keeping her at home sometimes, but the fact is that 1) many events expect spouses and 2) you will always worry in the background that someone knows her, and what they will think whether or not they know you married her. The sort-of-good news is that you have already gotten to take the "worst" experience for a test drive.

It does suck that she hid this from you to prevent you from making a transparent decision, but I am sure you can appreciate why she choose this. It was unfortunate she didn't make it clear to you before you were caught flat footed at an event: she should have known enough to skip these events if her past could catch up to her.

That said, you also know that risk/reward is the name of the game. You are (were) crazy about your wife, clearly. She is still the woman you married, even if you didn't know all aspects of her past.

One path forward is to recognize it, accept it and own it, which means overcoming your own feelings of insecurity related to her history as well as the potential around

Or decide you want to roll the dice on trying to find a woman this awesome who won't cause snickers over cocktails.

So this is it: much risk, much reward. You just have to decide if the balance is right for you.

For whatever it's worth from one internet stranger, I hope you find your way to a happy ending of staying together and working through the challenges, but please, if you can't make it past this, don't try. Better to decide than dither, for both of you.