What constitutes being manipulative?
Think about inspiring and influences others compared to manipulating them. What does it mean to be a good source of motivation by simply being present?
Manipulation by definition is to coerce an unwilling person into doing something they disagree with. The act of this coercion includes everything from subversive, underhanded, deceptive, passive-aggressive or in-direct, to abusive tactics. There are many unhealthy undertones thrown in that definition for good reason, so please try to use those when considering whether or not you feel... bad... after somebody is trying to get you to do something.
How did I manage the relationship?
I tried to keep the peace.
She was frequently agitated. When I knew she was riled up, and all I could think about was keeping the calm for both our sakes. During these moments she would humiliate me publicly while complete and total strangers would laugh and actually cheer her on.
How did you work things out, or if it ended, what made you finally leave?
Things were most dangerous immediately after an encounter with her. Then things became even more confusing when she calmed down. My Ex would become flattering; more than just being nice, her support helped me feel better when I was still picking myself up from the last encounter.
At the same time she dropped hints about how it's my fault, and more importantly they drop hints about the dire consequences of breaking things off with her, of asking others for help, or of pushing her away. She would lie about me to facebook, family, whoever she could. She turned acquaintances - even friends - against me, and did anything possible to make my life without her support hell. She would beat me, block doorways so she could scream at me, emotionally scar me - using her intimate knowledge of my weaknesses, my past, and my dreams or goals against me. She destroyed: my things, my relationships, my physical health, my emotional health, my future. All I could think of was leaving her some space, desperately searching for a way to calm things down, or at least slow down the incidents. After time it made sense to me. I decided that right at those moments, right after an encounter, would be the worst time to sever ties and move on. I felt like garbage, I knew the repercussions, and she was in a very unpredictable state. It makes sense to at the very least wait until the she calms down, and avoid upsetting her or pushing her buttons. She made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that if I left her, continued speaking with certain friends, or did not give her enough attention that she would kill herself and make sure I understood it was all my fault. Just like that our relationship became that of a hostage situation and forced upon the role of a hostage-taker. I knew that if I contacted the police that she would harm or possibly kill herself, or more likely that I would go to jail myself. So I tried to navigate the situation to the best of my ability and thankfully all parties survived in the end. I would finally contact the police after being accosted while recovering from a serious surgery, under the belief that since I was physically incapable of inflicting harm on anyone, that the police would handle the situation without ruining my future.
What made me leave was the very first act of belittlement. But I did not have the opportunity to leave until much later.